my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
