Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
