Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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