I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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