i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
