your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
