what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
