When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
