you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
