Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
