it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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