she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
