did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
