idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
