Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
