i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
