we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
