I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
