we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
