Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
