I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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