Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
