i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
