just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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