she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
