You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
