So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
