In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
