my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
