Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
