I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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