He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
