i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
