i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
