No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
