is your mom at the bar?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
