he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
