Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
