So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
