I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
