A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
