im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
