Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
