If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
