I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
