Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
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