you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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