standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
