We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
