Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
