i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
