guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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