OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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