Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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