So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
